Katarzyna Bednarz: I work in a school and deal with 15-year-olds in my day-to-day job. In addition, I am a child and adolescent psychotherapist. I often meet with individuals in crisis, around the ages of 15-16, either in my private practice or through association-driven initiatives supporting youth. This forms the basis for the questions I’ll address, you know?
Being 15 years old is often marked by a significant crisis. However, this varies culturally because education systems differ across Europe, and recently, Poland reverted from middle schools to an eight-year primary school system. This change means that, unlike before, when 13-year-olds changed schools, now they stay in the same institution during this period. The 15th year marks a developmental stage, often characterized, for example, through Erikson's concept, as the formation of personal identity versus fulfilling societal roles. Presently, it's seen as identity versus culture. What makes this interesting is how culture affects how teenagers handle this developmental crisis depending on their country, region, or educational/vocational systems. For instance, Poland’s eight-year primary schooling keeps children in a stable environment with the same teachers. The middle school system was removed as it was observed that 13-year-olds struggled to adapt to a new environment, highlighting the challenges of transitioning to Erikson’s fifth developmental stage: identity versus culture. Whether this has succeeded in reducing developmental difficulties is uncertain, as these issues surface later during transitions to high school, technical school, or vocational school. Furthermore, mandatory education in Poland until age 18 leaves young people with limited choice, forcing them to continue studying. In developmental terms, there are no "average" adolescents—each 15-year-old is unique. However, it is a peak period for forming one’s identity. By this age, most young people recognize their tendencies regarding sexual identity, even if these aren’t fully defined. This can make things more challenging for those with bisexual or homosexual traits. Around this age, crises in family relationships intensify. Initially, around age 12-13, adolescents begin to conflict with their mothers. By 15-16, they also challenge paternal authority, creating a broader tension within the family. This developmental phase involves identity formation, sexual identification, and individuation—the realization of being a unique individual. However, while forming their identity, young people are highly influenced by groups, often rejecting family values and adopting those of peer groups, hobbies, or sometimes problematic groups, such as gangs. In various contexts, adolescents explore different roles. For example, they may behave differently with family compared to peers, leading to feelings of inauthenticity. A therapeutic analogy often used is that of a teenager trying on new shoes daily, none of which feel comfortable. This phase, influenced significantly by culture, varies globally across continents and regions.
I’d like to add something important: the crisis at the age of 15 can extend from as early as 13 and last until, well, sometimes even 21 years old. The crisis is generally experienced at 15-16 years old in girls, and sometimes later in boys, but from my experience, this is already a critical time for boys too. The issue is that individuals at this age experience the crisis differently depending on how their earlier family relationships were structured. Some individuals grow up in families that were capable of preparing the teenager for these new situations. This means parents gradually give children new tasks, avoid rigidly enforcing norms, allow them to assess situations, and ask for their opinions rather than making decisions for them. In this way, they gradually prepare the young person to challenge their family of origin when the time comes. For example, a child who can prepare their own dinner when upset with their mother knows they can be independent. But a child who has never cooked is put in a dramatic position if they try to challenge their mother—especially if they are not self-sufficient enough to function independently, even for a short period of conflict. This becomes even more difficult in “rigid” families, where everyone thinks and does the same thing, leading to a lack of room for diverse opinions. In these families, individuals avoid discussing uncomfortable topics. Moreover, families can be impacted by various issues such as trauma, family dynamics, genetic diseases, or disabilities. These issues sometimes lead to triangulation, where one parent forms a closer bond with the child, bypassing the marital relationship. For example, a 15-year-old may play the role of a pseudo-partner for their mother, accompanying her to social events or even to spas. This creates a problematic dynamic when the child faces identity conflicts, as they may struggle to question this unhealthy relationship. Adolescents, then, come from diverse backgrounds and are equipped differently for navigating the complex phase of development. While some experience fewer difficulties, others struggle significantly. Some, unfortunately, never resolve the dilemma of who they are versus what others expect from them, leading to stagnation. This stagnation often results in remaining an eternal "child," without a clear role in adulthood.
According to Erikson’s concept, dissatisfaction with family relationships is normative and developmental. At 15, adolescents should question, criticize, and be dissatisfied with these relationships as part of their individuation. Sometimes, they may not directly express this dissatisfaction but may criticize their family in peer groups. This is typical of this stage. Many adults understand this phase, remembering their own adolescence. They recognize the importance of patience, knowing this period will pass. For example, a statement like “I hate you, we are nothing alike,” or doubts such as "I must have been adopted" are common at this age. A good family understands that this is part of the process. In certain social groups, rituals called "tribal initiations" occur around ages 13-15. These ceremonies mark the transition from adolescence to adulthood, often with peers, and help adolescents stop harboring anger toward their family, thereby becoming part of a larger community. A book that discusses the maturation of girls is Saving Ophelia, a bestseller in the West and translated into Polish. Mary Piper, a psychologist specializing in adolescent girls, wrote it. For boys, there are fewer books of this nature, but one example is Understanding the Adolescent Male by Górian, who focuses on psychology and anthropology concerning adolescent boys. For 15-year-olds, these periods can be very critical. For example, some 15-year-olds may sever ties with their family by moving out or choosing schools far from home, sometimes even joining military-type organizations. Such changes in the living situation—like attending a boarding school with limited family visits—are normative responses to family relationships.
The crisis at age 15 often stems from problems faced during earlier phases of schooling and family dynamics. If a child has grown up with healthy autonomy, they may be more equipped to handle these challenges. However, a child who has not gained enough independence may struggle with identity formation and social roles. This crisis can lead to mental health issues, such as mood disorders, depression, or even psychosis. A significant percentage of 15-year-olds face mood dips, and in some cases, more severe conditions like anxiety or personality disorders emerge. Some may even develop more extreme conditions like adolescent schizophrenia, though this is rarer. In addition, adolescence is marked by drastic biological changes. The rapid growth, hormonal changes, and shifts in physical appearance can cause a young person to feel out of sync with themselves. While having good friends and engaging in hobbies can help boost their self-esteem, these changes can be overwhelming.
The concept of a "comfort zone" is relative. For teenagers, having something they excel at or a hobby they are passionate about can be very helpful, as it strengthens their sense of individuality. This is where their sense of identity is often shaped. A positive, supportive family environment encourages the development of friendships and hobbies, which play a significant role in this process. A great book written years ago by Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, discusses how teenagers need to have goals and interests, and how they must learn to coexist within society to handle their personal growth. The biological changes, such as increased height, hormone surges, and rapid physical changes, make adolescence a particularly difficult period. For example, some boys struggle with their bodies, as the heart struggles to keep up with the rapid growth of the body. Hormonal surges, especially testosterone, are particularly high during this period, which can overwhelm young people. Teens often look in the mirror and feel disconnected from their own appearance. Changes in facial structure, hair texture, and overall body shape can be disorienting. These biological changes are incredibly challenging, and having a strong support system of friends and hobbies can make this period much easier to navigate.
This question touches on more obvious changes. A 15-year-old may be pushed to leave their comfort zone due to unavoidable life transitions. For instance, in Poland, where most teenagers are required to change schools, this marks a significant shift. The lack of enough schools or specialized courses in both large and small cities creates significant challenges. Some teenagers may end up in schools that don't fit their interests or skills, which only adds to the crisis. Sometimes, these teenagers are forced to deal with these changes through transitions like moving to a boarding school or enrolling in specific schools for subjects like logistics or IT. These choices, though challenging, are often seen as the only options. Additionally, some teenagers from immigrant or refugee backgrounds face frequent changes due to shifting life circumstances, making adaptation even more difficult. However, outside of these forced transitions, some 15-year-olds may choose to detach from their comfort zone voluntarily. For instance, they might change their social circle, abandon hobbies, or even embark on travel experiences, despite their fears. This voluntary departure from their comfort zone is often tied to peer influence, a new hobby, or a specific community.
This question ties into the earlier points about crisis points in adolescence. At this age, young people begin to experience their first romantic relationships, which can significantly alter their behaviors. Fascinations with charismatic figures, whether political or social, can prompt teenagers to face their fears, whether it’s engaging in social actions or confronting new challenges. These leaders often help guide adolescents toward action, even if their interest is short-lived. For instance, I worked with a teenager who, at 15, became deeply involved in politics. This engagement pushed the individual to overcome their previous anxieties, such as the fear of larger cities. This fascination with a new cause or group sometimes helps adolescents push beyond their comfort zones and face their challenges head-on. However, many young people are now increasingly numb emotionally, partly due to heavy multimedia or social media consumption. As a result, it is relatively rare for teenagers to act purely based on a desire to help or change something. Social groups may often only act when motivated by extrinsic factors, such as gaining points for university applications, rather than out of a deep sense of idealism or societal concern.
Leaving the comfort zone is a form of training resilience—building the capacity to handle crises and challenges. When a teenager successfully navigates difficult situations, whether on their own or with family support, it strengthens their coping abilities. In many cases, young people who confront their fears and leave their comfort zones, such as going on a trip or changing schools, emerge more confident in their ability to handle new experiences. For example, one of the major issues young people face in Europe and beyond is addiction. Many adolescents are becoming addicted to pornography, and this has led to significant social concern. Some countries, like England, are enacting laws to restrict minors' access to such content due to its growing impact on mental health. Family support plays a vital role in identifying these issues and helping teenagers navigate through them. While most adolescents are capable of adapting and growing, those without sufficient support systems can struggle with issues like addiction, mental health problems, or a lack of emotional maturity. It’s essential for teenagers to face these challenges and receive help when necessary to build the resilience that will help them later in life.
Physical changes in environment can act as a form of training. What adolescents have learned about themselves, their coping mechanisms, and their relationships can be put to the test when they are placed in a new environment. For example, a trip can be a profound experience of self-discovery, especially if the individual must take care of themselves, adapt to new places, or learn new skills. In situations where teenagers travel or live in unfamiliar environments, they often learn valuable lessons about their own abilities, their limits, and how to navigate the world around them. However, if a teenager has not developed the necessary skills or confidence, moving to a new environment can be a difficult experience. In such cases, they may feel lost, disconnected, or even overwhelmed by the new situation. The key to success in such transitions is having already developed basic skills to adapt and learn. For instance, when I was 15, I traveled to a place without any food or accommodations arranged. Despite this challenging situation, the life skills I had developed helped me navigate it successfully. This experience became a cornerstone in my life. It was a trial that taught me how capable I was of handling adversity, and I have carried that confidence with me ever since.
For some, a specific place becomes associated with positive experiences and feelings of success. A place that may have been challenging but ultimately rewarding will have a lasting impact, making it a place one keeps coming back to, whether physically or mentally. For example, I love Warsaw because it is a place where I faced significant challenges but ultimately succeeded. The city represents a time when I was able to overcome obstacles, and that experience remains meaningful to me. Such places often become touchstones in one’s life, offering a sense of reassurance or a reminder of past strength during moments of crisis or uncertainty. When one is faced with new challenges in life, returning to a place that has previously offered comfort and success can help provide clarity and perspective.